I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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