I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
