Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
