Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
