I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
