I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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