My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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