Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
