Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
