im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
