I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
