Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
