im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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