You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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