my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
