i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
