I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
