Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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