I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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