There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
