i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
