trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize