never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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