question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize