i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
