This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
