I bet he comes in French.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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