I smell stomach acid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
