i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
