I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
