Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
