feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
