So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
