hotel room ftw
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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