I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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