she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
