Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
