Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize