I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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