Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
