Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
