i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
