My first STD was from a foam party
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
