in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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