YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
