It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
