you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
