i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
