Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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