i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
3 2 1 whiskey
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you made out with another girl for some wings
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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