Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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