Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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