i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
