why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
