There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
