u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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