hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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