Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
