Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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