did you get engaged???
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
