Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
