Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
