Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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