you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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