How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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