You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
