I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
