i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
