Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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