We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You made out with two different species that night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
