All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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