Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
