yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
