Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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