Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
