Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
