I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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