I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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