Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
