I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
