The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize