but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize