Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
