She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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