If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize