You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
