Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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