There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
