I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
try to milk me bitch
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
