Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
