i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
