i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
