Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
