my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
