There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
