i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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