Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
