I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
