i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize