Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
