She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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