someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
