32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
