The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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